… Oh. So he was serious. He actually made a website. Well, “website” is a big word for whatever this is. I thought even wannabe bloggers had some standards, but-

Oh hello, dear people! Welcome to uh… “Yrmelian”? Yeah, that’s it, Yrmelian! A brand-new website by some schmuck who calls himself “Jo Le Hundal”.

But where are my manners? Let me introduce myself: I am Mr. What’s-The-Point. You may have heard of me from that little nagging voice inside your head that highlights your failures, mitigates your successes, and slowly leads you all the way down Despair Avenue.

I am the author of such brilliant works as Look At How Insignificant You Are, You’ll Never Achieve Anything Of Worth (and its award-winning sequel, Why Even Bother?), as well as the best-selling de-motivational guide: Just Give Up Already! (still available in hard-cover, ebook and audiobook at NihilPublishing.net, grab’em while you can!).

But this… pffff… “website” (can’t say it without laughing!) is not about me.

See, this Jo guy, he’s had an idea for quite some time. One of those ideas that just keep sprouting up, and take root no matter how many times you rip them out.

Now stop me if you’ve ever heard this one: an introverted under-achieving urbanite with a useless degree and too much free-time on his hands has decided he was going to become a fantasy author.

Well, golly-gee-whiz, never heard THAT one before, did ya?

Yep, yet another Tolkienite-wannabe has decided to write down the bland adventures of a bunch of derivative heroes in some imaginary-but-less-than-imaginative world, in the faint hopes that one day, it would be worth people’s money.

How delusional could you get? Well, bukcle up, ’cause it doesn’t stop there.

See, when Jo plays pretend, he REALLY gets into it: he’s been figuring out the ins and outs of his little world, the peoples that inhabit it, the Powers that keep it alive and the Power that wishes for its destruction… He’s even tried his hand at making languages (a full-on Tolkienite, I tell ya!), to make the whole thing more “internally coherent”. Or probably just so he could pretend he’s a *snort* “Sub-Creator”, and not just some overgrown child clinging to his old toys.

But where do I come into all of this?

Well, see, in this world you people live in (love what you’ve done with the place, by the by!), most sources of hope and dreams have been carefully stifled out. I mean, there’s a pandemic here, a war over there, a famine elsewhere, an environmental crisis coming soon… and the great ideals of Truth, Freedom, Beauty, Justice and other Capitalized Initials are running on fumes. For every cute cat video that makes you say “things aren’t so bad after all”, there’s another 10 reasons to be depressed right around the corner. No matter where you look, off-line or online (especially online), there’s no escape from despair.

“Wait!”, I hear you say, “what about escapist fiction?”

Ha… Haha… BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!

Sorry, couldn’t hold that one in… Seriously now, when’s the last time you’ve opened a book a DVD case a “totally legal video file” made in the past couple of years, and got out of it without having been exposed to some tired corporate-approved messaging that brings you right out of the story and back down into the common tragedies of the real world? Trust me on this one, that escape route has been condemned for a while.

No, the real problem is that some people are still looking for an escape. Some are even ready to actually read books again (shows you how desperate they’re getting!). And fantasy is filled to the brim with what they’re looking for: stuff like honorable heroes, despicable villains, strange creatures and mystical places. Stuff like wonder, truth, camaraderie, or (ugh!) hope. Even my little Jo is getting all inspired by these ideas. And no matter how many times I stamp them out, they come back again and again…

Luckily, though there’s a lot of people out there who’d like to become authors, only a select few (the ones that are ACTUAL worthwhile human beings) will ever succeed.

So, what did I do, to keep my little Jo housed in his little jail-cell on Despair Avenue?

Simple: I just let him out of it.

I’ll let him believe he can actually do it, that he has a shot at achieving his dream. And once he’s tried (in vain) to produce anything of worth, and gets laughed out of every room and blog he walks in, then he’ll get a taste of despair that only real failure can buy. And he’ll come crawling back, to lock himself in, and throw away the key.

Either that or he’ll get like three people to read his stuff for free, and he’ll be content with that. That’s a possible risk…

But hey, there’s no way that’ll amount to anything. After all, I should know.

So go ahead, Jo. Have your little game. I’ll be here when you’ve learned your lesson.

(Bet he won’t even go beyond the first blank page…)

*Mr. What’s-The-Point is a highly-successful demon with a long career of soul-crushing under his belt. His works of note include “Inadequacy”, “Self-Doubt” “Lack Of Purpose In Life”, and other related thoughts and feelings of despair. He currently resides deep within the human heart, but enjoys his leisure time on Despair Avenue, where he delights in keeping his humans in chains of their own making.*